Fear of Failing

Dear Reader,

Sometimes I have one of those days where I can’t be bothered to do anything, and today is one of those days. As much as I’m beating myself up about it, I can’t motivate myself enough to actually do something about it. Mind you, it wasn’t an entirely disappointing day because I did do some things that I’d been putting off. I made some phone calls and I sent off some stuff, but overall I didn’t think my day was that useful. I had been planning on going to the store because I needed some stuff, and I’d been fully motivated to take my bike, only to realise that I couldn’t exactly take any freezer stuff home in this heat, and as such I resolved to go by car; a necessary yet disappointing decision.

I know procrastination isn’t simply laziness. I read a script from one of the Doctor Who episodes today and it made me realise that I’m actually terrified to write a script for myself, for fear of failing, and I think, a lot of the time, procrastination is the fear of failing. I know I need to force myself to simply start writing and see what happens, but I think I’m too much of a perfectionist to do that. I’m determined to read a few scripts though, to have some examples, to do some research so that I might attempt to write a short one during the holidays. I could obviously wait until classes start in September, since I’m taking a ‘writing for the screen’ course, but I want to take a stab at one beforehand.

I think I’ll spend the next two hours watching television – I borrowed the first series of Life on Mars from my friend and I actually quite like it – until I have to pick up my boyfriend from the station. Perhaps I’ll find some motivation in me to actually do some writing before that time, but my hope on this isn’t very big. I’m quite excited for tonight, because we’re seeing the last Harry Potter film – the Midnight Showing -; it’s all very sad really and I have a feeling there’ll be tears, but I know that postponing the end isn’t going to make it any better, and I do want to see this film.

Tomorrow, I’m hoping my day’ll be better and more productive. I assume it will be, as I’ll be working at my dad’s café and this gives me more of a sense of usefulness. Plus, I’ll be earning money, which is always handy.

For now, I’ll try to muster up some motivation/inspiration for these posts I’ve got to write to make my day at least a bit more productive.

Signing off,

Semi-Disappointed